Stop scrolling, start living, and follow my top ten transformative life hacks. They’re guaranteed to get you to your grave unscathed.
1. Self-recycling. Climb into a green bin and await collection.
2. Macroaggression. List your worst microaggressions and scale them up.
3. Defocusing. Remove your glasses and stamp on them.
4. Immersive Embarrassment. Humiliate yourself in public and own that cringe.
5. Nightmare Re-enactment. Recreate your worst fears and run.
6. Demotivation. Set yourself a task and think about what you’d rather be doing.
7. Micro-Mismanagement. List your goals in so much detail, you run out of time.
8. Semitasking. The antidote to multitasking. Simply do one thing at a time half-heartedly.
9. Mismanage Expectations. Promise the world and under-deliver.
10. Intermittent Heroin. 16 hours off, 8 hours on. Like fasting , but expensive and illegal.